A year ago on July 4, 2021, my nephew Trey Northcott passed away suddenly in Oregon, away from family and friends. My sister Susan had been searching for him back in Nacogdoches, Texas, not realizing he had wandered away to a strange place where no one expected he might go. First responders–paramedics and others–did their best to save Trey, but they could not. In truth, many had been doing that for years. The results were the same for those who loved him.
For his memorial service back in Nacogdoches, I wrote the following remarks. I was unable to travel to Texas at the time, so another person presented my remarks at the service. This July 4, while we naturally turn our attention to the holiday, I also join others in remembering Trey and celebrating him. He struggled with drug and alcohol abuse. That did not define the man he was inside. Family and friends loved him for good reasons.
My remarks delivered at Trey’s memorial service:
Getting to know someone well is not easy. Often, we know someone, even many of our friends, only a little. Mothers know their children more than a little. They know them in ways no one else does.
Through all the many years since Trey entered this world, his mother knew him like no other person. And, she never quit trying to stay connected, stay in touch.
I write this as Trey’s uncle and Susan’s brother. For a number of reasons, including the fact that I’ve lived a thousand miles away since his birth, I never came to know Trey well. I wish it were otherwise. The last time I saw him at Susan’s, we did not connect. He was in a good place, as far as being in the home of the mother who loved him deeply. He did not appear to be in a good place in other ways.
Trey was the same handsome fellow he’d always been the last time I saw him. Memories came to me as I listened to Trey and Susan visit. I remembered the sweet, active, energetic toddler who was likely to surprise everyone and take off running and looking at whatever caught his attention. If you think about it, you may agree that never changed with him. His curiosity about, his fascination with, his intense enthusiasm for all around him were distinct characteristics of his personality. We could all use some of that in our own selves. For Trey, it was intrinsic to the person he was. Right now, I can recall him as an elementary school boy telling me about some sort of bug he had just encountered outside his family’s home on that summer day. He was talking so fast, so excitedly, so enthusiastically that I could barely keep up with the stream of words coming from him. What a happy little fellow he was in that moment. And, I am certain, there were countless moments like that in his time here in this world. Day after day, year after year.
For those who listened, they learned Trey was an intelligent and articulate boy and, later, man. His was a unique perspective on the world. He noticed what many of us may not stop to hear, see, touch, smell. Trey stopped, I am certain, many times. He would strive to make sense of it and put it in the proper place in his busy mind, along with so much more he had learned in a manner that may not be our own.
So, I say that Trey was a student of this world. And, a teacher for others. In his way. In his extraordinary and singular Trey way.
I feel confident many people will treasure conversations they recall having with Trey. They will treasure experiences with him.
Trey had challenges. Trey struggled. As I mentioned earlier, his family and friends knew he was not in a good place, at times. All wanted to see him be well, do well.
Through the years, Susan spoke with me and Candace about Trey’s good times and hard times. Her love was never-ending, never diminishing, always faithful. When I think of Susan and Trey, I picture her with arms outstretched, open wide to hug him. I think she always represented well the family’s love for Trey. I feel certain Trey knew, in his heart, that he was loved.
I’m going to hold onto the good memories in the years ahead. I wish I could have been in a position to make more memories than I did with him. The good memories, in my mind, capture best the person who, in fact, Trey was. I am grateful he was my nephew.
It's KPC Again 